In which we talk about whether to invite the cousin
from Albuquerque, why Missie ISN'T throwing a party,
and when mimosas are a game changer.
JEN: I'm getting ready for my senior's graduation party, and it's all pretty straightforward. We're keeping it low-key with some lawn games and snacks. So the planning isn't ridiculous. (As long as the rain stays away!) But I've struggled with the guest list. I love get-togethers and seeing friends and family, so I'd be up for inviting everyone I know! But what's the protocol here?
MISSIE: I don't know if there IS protocol. We've been getting grad invites right and left — some from old soccer teammate, families from other schools, people from out of town. My sense is that if you are at all a part of their lives, you're getting an invite.
PAM: Missie is right. People toss out invitations like a wide fishing net. They know everyone is busy, especially on these weekends around graduation. They're hoping to get a good representation. How many people can your grass withstand?
JEN: More than our house can! And I've been to parties where I've hardly known the kids, but I really like the parents. That never seemed weird to me, because graduation is a whole family thing. They got this kid there together. But I still struggle with sending announcements. If we send one to my husband's cousin who lives in Albuquerque and clearly won't be attending, does it look like we're just asking for a gift? On the other side of that coin, if we don't send an announcement, does it look like we're leaving him out?
PAM: There are always a handful of key people who will MAKE your party. They wouldn't miss it for the world. But since these things are open house style, they're already informal. Invite away!
MISSIE: I feel like grad parties are a dime a dozen. Everyone's doing it, so, as a guest, do people even know if you show up or not?
PAM: And really, unless I'm close to someone, if I receive an invite and can't make it to the party, I do not feel obligated to send a gift. Missie, do I remember that you're not doing a party for your son?
MISSIE: We're not. I just think the whole thing requires way too much effort. My kids hopefully know we're proud of them, and happy they worked hard to achieve this milestone. But I can't fathom doing a big party. There are too many unknown factors — weather, how much food to order, who's actually going to show up, where do I PUT all the people? So we're not having one. I figure it's leaving my kids open to attend all of their friends' parties rather than being strapped down at their own.
JEN: I know a lot of families this year who are giving their kids an alternative: "We can throw you a party OR we'll give you that money for college" or "We can throw you a party OR you can have a sane mother for those two weeks."
PAM: Both are good options!
MISSIE: I actually don't feel like my kids are entitled to anything like that, either. They know we're helping them with college already. They'll go off to school with everything they need. I've been working hard on their behalf to help put on the huge high-school sponsored lock-in after graduation. They'll get a nice graduation gift from us, too, and a night out to dinner as a family if they'd like.
PAM: On the East Coast, we never did these grad parties. We all went out after the ceremony, then the next day all the teens drove to the beach for a week. It was much cheaper, unless you got arrested.
JEN: Unless you got arrested! THERE'S a graduation gift to remember! So, your kids aren't graduation age yet, Pam. And, Missie, you aren't throwing a party. So I'm the only one of us feeling the weight of party questions here.
MISSIE: Yeah, my kids are pretty spoiled already. I don't need to make myself mental over a party. I don't think they'll remember one way or another in 10 years.
JEN: I love parties! But it would be even more fun if I had a professional party planner living in my guest room. Actually, it would be easier if I had a guest room…
PAM: I love other people's parties. I'm so grateful when somebody throws one. I can show up, contribute, have fun, go home.
JEN: Maybe that's the ticket. I need to throw this party at someone else's house.
MISSIE: Either way, good luck with your guest list. Knowing you, you'll invite everyone you know and love, including the check out lady at Hy-Vee.
JEN: I do like those checkout ladies. But that's not how this is going down. I didn't send to that cousin. I didn't send to the great aunt who might think we're looking for money. Christian wants to keep this simple, so I'm following his wishes.
PAM: Surprises are what you remember later, anyway. Not some elaborate plans or the things you expected to happen. At my college graduation, what I remember best is that someone put mimosas in the dorm lounge for all of us. Such a nice gesture.
JEN: No kidding! I don't think I'll put alcohol out for these kids, though! I just hope there's no rain. PLEASE, let there be no rain, and everything will be a-ok.
MISSIE: Yeah, that'd be a game changer for sure. (Just like mimosas!)
MISSIE: I don't know if there IS protocol. We've been getting grad invites right and left — some from old soccer teammate, families from other schools, people from out of town. My sense is that if you are at all a part of their lives, you're getting an invite.
PAM: Missie is right. People toss out invitations like a wide fishing net. They know everyone is busy, especially on these weekends around graduation. They're hoping to get a good representation. How many people can your grass withstand?
JEN: More than our house can! And I've been to parties where I've hardly known the kids, but I really like the parents. That never seemed weird to me, because graduation is a whole family thing. They got this kid there together. But I still struggle with sending announcements. If we send one to my husband's cousin who lives in Albuquerque and clearly won't be attending, does it look like we're just asking for a gift? On the other side of that coin, if we don't send an announcement, does it look like we're leaving him out?
PAM: There are always a handful of key people who will MAKE your party. They wouldn't miss it for the world. But since these things are open house style, they're already informal. Invite away!
MISSIE: I feel like grad parties are a dime a dozen. Everyone's doing it, so, as a guest, do people even know if you show up or not?
PAM: And really, unless I'm close to someone, if I receive an invite and can't make it to the party, I do not feel obligated to send a gift. Missie, do I remember that you're not doing a party for your son?
MISSIE: We're not. I just think the whole thing requires way too much effort. My kids hopefully know we're proud of them, and happy they worked hard to achieve this milestone. But I can't fathom doing a big party. There are too many unknown factors — weather, how much food to order, who's actually going to show up, where do I PUT all the people? So we're not having one. I figure it's leaving my kids open to attend all of their friends' parties rather than being strapped down at their own.
JEN: I know a lot of families this year who are giving their kids an alternative: "We can throw you a party OR we'll give you that money for college" or "We can throw you a party OR you can have a sane mother for those two weeks."
PAM: Both are good options!
MISSIE: I actually don't feel like my kids are entitled to anything like that, either. They know we're helping them with college already. They'll go off to school with everything they need. I've been working hard on their behalf to help put on the huge high-school sponsored lock-in after graduation. They'll get a nice graduation gift from us, too, and a night out to dinner as a family if they'd like.
PAM: On the East Coast, we never did these grad parties. We all went out after the ceremony, then the next day all the teens drove to the beach for a week. It was much cheaper, unless you got arrested.
JEN: Unless you got arrested! THERE'S a graduation gift to remember! So, your kids aren't graduation age yet, Pam. And, Missie, you aren't throwing a party. So I'm the only one of us feeling the weight of party questions here.
MISSIE: Yeah, my kids are pretty spoiled already. I don't need to make myself mental over a party. I don't think they'll remember one way or another in 10 years.
JEN: I love parties! But it would be even more fun if I had a professional party planner living in my guest room. Actually, it would be easier if I had a guest room…
PAM: I love other people's parties. I'm so grateful when somebody throws one. I can show up, contribute, have fun, go home.
JEN: Maybe that's the ticket. I need to throw this party at someone else's house.
MISSIE: Either way, good luck with your guest list. Knowing you, you'll invite everyone you know and love, including the check out lady at Hy-Vee.
JEN: I do like those checkout ladies. But that's not how this is going down. I didn't send to that cousin. I didn't send to the great aunt who might think we're looking for money. Christian wants to keep this simple, so I'm following his wishes.
PAM: Surprises are what you remember later, anyway. Not some elaborate plans or the things you expected to happen. At my college graduation, what I remember best is that someone put mimosas in the dorm lounge for all of us. Such a nice gesture.
JEN: No kidding! I don't think I'll put alcohol out for these kids, though! I just hope there's no rain. PLEASE, let there be no rain, and everything will be a-ok.
MISSIE: Yeah, that'd be a game changer for sure. (Just like mimosas!)